this last week marked my first anniversary hired on at my job. i was a temp at the time. it was my first and only anniversary.

i knew it was coming, despite people’s reassurances. i felt it. i didn’t know what magnitude, or what the circumstances would be, but i did know.

it’s hard to know what to do now. that was the only thing keeping me in this town. all my other ties have slowly unravelled over the course of years, and my job was what felt like the stake in the ground. so once that gets pulled up, what do you do?

i feel empty. directionless. sad. but there are moments i realize that the possibility of good is significant. i just need that feeling to be more prevalent than it currently is.

do i stay here? do i choose a random city on a map and head that way? do i take this opportunity to uproot completely or just make a series of small, beneficial changes?

it’s hard to know what to do. and my outlook changes with the positioning of the sun. and i can’t get this ridiculous quote from fight club out of my head, about being free to do anything once you’ve lost everything.

and while it’s not everything, it sure felt like it.