it’s disheartening to discover that, when push comes to shove, the people you have given too much of yourself to over the years are unwilling, or unable, to give back to you when you need it.
to be fair, the blame gets transferred at some point – and no longer is it their problem that they give too little or not at all that it becomes your problem for allowing it to continuously happen.
i try to remember that i’m not losing time, but losing only what i got in return. and it calms me in a way to know that from that perspective, i’m not losing much.
still, there’s a decent amount of disbelief that occurs when you sit down with someone you’ve known for too long to ask for their help and they don’t even give you the decency of an honest “no”. you sit through a few lies and an excuse and wonder why you’re even still sitting there. how can you ever trust anyone that can’t look you in the eye?
i think overall i’m learning to let go of things that don’t bring me joy or value. still have a journey ahead in that regard, but i’m heading in the right direction, one overdue goodbye at a time.