the bus sucks, but it’s amazing what an iPod can do for your anxiety level. listening to spoon, and the garden state soundtrack in the morning, and soul coughing and white stripes in the afternoon. it works out. unless you get strange people poking at you trying to get your attention.
i got annoyed my first week because of the variety of smells on the bus. most are not pleasant, but tolerable. most of the time it’s the overwhelming stench of liquor, even at 7:30 in the morning. that annoyed me at first, and kind of made me think condescendingly at these people. until i realized, hey! they’re riding the BUS. they aren’t driving around crashing into shit. who cares how early it is? i might have a VSOP on the bus if i could. as long as i don’t get vomited or fallen on, i’m gravy.
i was wandering around for lunch on wednesday, which lets you see all sorts of interesting people of every walk of life. it’s like a crazy, in-motion, hurried melting pot. it’s great for people watching. it’s like the bus, without the claustrophobia or the odors.
i was walking back to my office (which requires a magnetic security card to get into) and my cell phone was up to my ear. often when i see people i know are going to engage me in conversation and i don’t want to, i’ll feign a phone call to avoid it. i’m lame, i know. you do it too, though. or you will now that you realize how brilliant it is.
i was calling my mom in the hospital, and i was on the second ring, so i was ready to say hello at any time. it’s that point in a phone call where a friend trying to talk to you gets that “wait a minute” pointy finger. and as my mom picked up the phone, i walked by a transient in a wheelchair, panhandling. in the instant of silence between the click of her picking up, to her saying “hello”, i heard him say, “spare some change? HEY! you’re hot!”
my mom had to say “hello” a few times and almost hung up thinking i was a prank call. i was, at once, shocked, amused, and flattered. and then it occurred to me.
that is the first time in a long time that a stranger has complimented me.
perhaps it was a ploy to get me more willing to loosen my pockets (which are empty save for lip gloss and a credit card). or maybe it was sincere. i’ll never know. but i’m taking it as genuine. and you can’t stop me.
not much else happened this week of much excitement. i was about 100 yards from going to jail when the upstairs neighbor boys decided to have drunken wrestling at 2am (when i had to wake up at 6). their inebriated, stoned, idiot brains would had found their way out of their ears – had i had a bit more energy, and maybe a louisville slugger.
you know? i’ve never owned an aluminum bat. but i want to go buy one, just so i can threaten people with it.
i cut most of my hair off again yesterday. i sort of look like a cross between cyndi lauper and one of the taylor brothers from duran duran. which reminds me, PLEASE go look up the banned video of girls on film on youtube. i would find the link for you, but if you’ve been sitting here wasting time for 5 minutes reading my blog (which isn’t nearly as entertaining as the ones from days of yore) then surely you can go google it your damnselves. holy lord, it’s hot. for the 80’s. i mean, it’s no “smack my bitch up” kind of banned. but not much is.
my beloved girl aislinn is leaving for ireland very soon. tonight is probably the last time i get to see her for awhile, if i even can tonight. it’s funny how someone can be on the fringes of your life for years, drifting in and out on the surface of your life. and just when you are beginning to get to know them, and find your commonalities, and really enjoy looking forward to hanging out with them, it’s time for someone to leave. she religiously reads my blogs, and is actually entertained by them (even the sucky ones.) she is beautiful, and kind, and complicated, and i adore her. she’s been a big part of my life the last month, and it’s refreshing to know that you’re not alone in your inner battles. there’s always someone out there who knows what you’re going through, or what you’ve been through, or what you’re going to go through. and it’s incredible stroke of luck if we are able to find them.
i’ve always thought that a person is the sum of everyone they’ve ever let into their lives. people meet friends, and lovers, and all those in-betweens, and we take a part of each of them – their personalities, habits, idiosyncrasies – and they take a part of us. so in meeting new people, it changes you forever, if only slightly. and in that way i am changed by her. but also in a way that not many people have ever changed me. and i don’t know if i could tell you why, or when the change happened. but i know i can count on one hand when it’s happened to me before.
so, i feel good. and lousy. and tired. overworked, ambivalent, nostalgic. mostly good, though.
have a fantastic weekend. eat a twinkie. you can’t go wrong with hostess..