i hear you had some weird moments this weekend. not bad weird, or good weird. just weird. odd. strange, as it were.
part of me wants to tell you i’m sorry, but, well, i’m not. you see, it’s good for you to go through these things. not because they make you a better person or any of that shit. cause it doesn’t always. i was actually there for what happened, and it’s pointless.
just because you get glimpses of the imperfect choices you have made — memories of unpleasantries, like people, things and events, parts of your life you wished you blacked out during — does NOT give you license to dwell. i know they make you feel like shit. i’ve been there. BELIEVE ME. but you can’t do the obvious thing. you can’t dissect everything and wish you didn’t do the things you did. why were you attracted to so-and-so? why did you say this or not say that? why in god’s name did you feel the way you felt, because that’s sure as hell not the way the real you would have felt before or after it happened, or if you were sane at the time. what the fuck was wrong with you?
you can’t ask these questions, because there isn’t an answer.
the real answer to the more important question is this: you do these things not only so you won’t do them again (like you ever would, and you most certainly do not need reminders, right?) but more importantly because it will make what’s to come in your life so much sweeter. would little debbie nutty bars taste as good as they did if you would have never been forced to eat sweet pickles? fuck no they wouldn’t.
so, you get my drift. and i’m sure you understand all the unsaid stuff that i, well..unsaid.
hang in there. there are some amazing things in store for you if you exercise your patience. you are NOT your choices. you are what you make of yourself.
sharon of the past
p.s. before i forget, i have a chick friend i think you would get along with really well. you’ll meet her..
a conversation i actually had (about 45 seconds ago):
sg: do you wanna go get wasted?
me: fuck yes, i do.
sg: let’s go then. OOH! that can be “the conversation you actually had”!