Virgo–You are the logical type and hate disorder. The nitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold, unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers or pimps.

Libra–You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras eventually get venereal disease.

Scorpio–You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius–You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your looks since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or pot heads. People laugh at you a lot because you are always getting fucked over.

Capricorn–You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should just give up and end it all.

Aquarius–You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical causing you to make the same mistake twice. People think you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces–You have a vivid imagination and often think that you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Most Pisceans are homosexual. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses a lot.

Aries–You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. Your feeling of superiority masks your total mediocrity. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

Taurus–You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and a spoiled asshole. You are nothing but a pinko communist.

Gemini–You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving in incest.

Cancer–You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and never be worth shit.

Leo–You consider yourself a born leader. Other people think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and often kiss mirrors a lot.