in the last four hours, i have consumed a big gulp of diet coke, a 24 oz mountain dew, and a large cappuccino with extra sugar. my brain is moving too fast for the rest of my body, and i can’t seem to focus my eyes on any one spot for more than 3 seconds.

it’s the coffee.

i drink red bull and mountain dew, well, pretty much daily. and they always give me this gentle sense of awareness. but for some reason coffee, which i have only started drinking lately, could be the best and simultaneously the worst invention ever. i can feel blood roaring around the veins in my body. i am speaking faster than i can edit myself. and i feel capable of any feat of strength put into my path, though i would probably suffer heart failure if i exerted myself more than sprinting a few yards.

who thought up coffee? what was the trial and error of creating it like? some guy just said, hey, let’s grind up these little beans and run hot water through it. and then we’ll drink the result. how many versions of it did they reject before settling on the current one? if it weren’t for the taste of coffee, it could be the greatest and most dangerous tool on the planet. aside from the penis, of course.